Shuttdogg Funny Status Messages

   Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : "In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless b!tch. Details at 11".

   febreeze- because your house smells like weed and your parents will be home any minute.

   Things I don't like: 1) Probably you. 2) Cold coffee. 3) Small talk. 4) Mondays. 5) Having small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.

   I say: Ron Jeremy for President..."You're gonna get screwed anyway, might as well get screwed by a pro.

   My girlfriend said bringing toys into the bedroom would spice up our sex lives... So I double fisted her with a set of Hulk Hands.