Sean Funny Status Messages

   Scientists discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by 95% . . . wedding cake-

   I wonder if people with eye patches thought it was all fun and games.

   Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.

   Just skipped past a quote from Gandhi on Instagram to "like" a photo of a hot dog.

   Before we jump all over him, are we sure Romney wasn't counting himself as one of the 47% of Americans who don't pay taxes?

   Lindsay Lohan has almost made her full transition from child star to Hamburglar.

   Ladies, if you ever need to fend off an attacker, just start talking about what's been going on in your life.

   Rather than throwing four separate birthday parties for my kids I decided to combine the money and get my windows tinted. Sweet.

   If you think about it, did Gary Busey really survive that traumatic brain injury?

   Hey old men, I don't know how it worked in the 1940's but today you don't have to talk to the person at the urinal next to you.

   I hate meeting new people. It's like sitting through a job interview to apply for the position of "acquaintance."

   Might start telling people I'm a blacksmith. You can't prove I'm not.

   The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.

   The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And Mondays.

   I believe what politicians say about as much as I believe the person who says, "I never got that text."

   A good diet is follow me around the grocery store and don't buy anything I get.

   Drunk girls whisper in caps lock.

   People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.

   Tonight I'll be teaching a poetry class for prison inmates called "Prose & Cons".

   "A gripping tale of love and survival..." is how one reviewer described me tumbling down the stairs while trying to retrieve a stray M&M.