Sean Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon There is nothing worse than running out of toilet paper and having to ask the guy in the next stall to wipe you.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 08:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 08:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon People always ask why I am always so happy, I tell them I start my morning off the same as anyone, a glass of OJ in the am with breakfast- the only differance is the 5th of Vodka I add to mine
←Rate | 06-15-2012 14:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Smart Car would be good on gas, but I'd feel silly wearing it.
←Rate | 06-19-2012 08:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hunters, you shouldn't wear camo you should dress like cars. Deer will walk toward you and hope you kill them.
←Rate | 06-19-2012 08:42 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's cute how "America's Got Talent" focuses on singing & dancing instead of our real talents: overeating & complaining.
←Rate | 06-19-2012 08:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Camping is a great way to show people that you hate your own home but can't afford a decent hotel.
←Rate | 06-19-2012 08:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend said she wanted to take me to see Magic Mike, I was really excited until I realized she was not talking about my drug dealer from college..
←Rate | 06-26-2012 17:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The neighbors said we could use their hot tub so I'm deep-frying a deer.
←Rate | 06-26-2012 17:35 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I replied "maybe" to your facebook event out of respect for the inherent uncertainty of life's journey.
←Rate | 06-26-2012 17:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep a frisbee in my truck just in case I get attacked by Phish fans.
←Rate | 06-26-2012 17:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The battery to my car remote died and I had to manually open my door like some parachute pants wearing break dancer from the dang 80's.
←Rate | 06-26-2012 17:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drunks arguing over music will probably be one of the rooms in hell.
←Rate | 06-26-2012 17:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the world was really going to end wouldn't all the expiration dates be set for December 23rd or whatever day it is.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 10:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the guy in Miami who ate that other dude's face was NOT on bath salts, just weed. What kind of weed gives you the munchies for hobo face?
←Rate | 06-29-2012 10:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get my kicks attending random funerals and claiming to be the deceased's oldest son from his other family.
←Rate | 06-29-2012 10:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon As for my solicitation of prostitution charge Your Honor, I would like it dismissed under of the Dire Straits "Chicks for free" act of 1985.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 09:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never been interrogated, but I have ordered a sandwich at subway, so I think I'm prepared.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 09:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon No I don't have anything smaller than a twenty. You should. You're the one who's running a store.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 09:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks Fox, but I get my political info from the Facebook posts of crazy relatives and people I haven't seen since high school.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 09:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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