andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If people say you're acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you're totally nailin' it.
←Rate | 08-26-2014 05:08 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight
←Rate | 08-27-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the NFL starting this week, as a Redskins fan I have this feeling of impending doom.
←Rate | 09-03-2014 10:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
←Rate | 09-05-2014 05:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hit a deer last night. It died instantly. I feel awful, but when I'm jogging I'm in my own world.
←Rate | 09-05-2014 05:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wish this guy on the bus would take a Smellfie! Smellfie: Quickly taking a whiff of your own pits to see if you stink:
←Rate | 09-05-2014 13:05 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
←Rate | 09-08-2014 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet it was hard for Andre the Giant's little brother, Wayne the Somewhat Beefy in the Legs but Still Generally Average Sized Person.
←Rate | 09-08-2014 19:46 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Words of Wisdom: The police never think it’s as funny as you do.
←Rate | 09-10-2014 04:54 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go shawty, I forgot your birthday. It's only thanks to Facebook that I know it's your birthday.
←Rate | 09-11-2014 05:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon So disappointed that Hello Kitty isn't a cat. This must be how Snoop Dogg felt when he met Emily Blunt
←Rate | 09-11-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could make a rap video, but instead of cash I'd be surrounded by stacks of Taco Bell napkins
←Rate | 09-11-2014 05:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I've seen fire & I've seen rain" -James Taylor & LITERALLY EVERY HUMAN
←Rate | 09-11-2014 05:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
←Rate | 09-12-2014 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they're the champions why will they keep on fightin' 'til the end? They've been named champions. Was it just the conference championship?
←Rate | 09-12-2014 05:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll be updating my status telepathically the rest of the day... so if you think of something funny? That was me.
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i'm correct, they should owe me $950.
←Rate | 09-15-2014 05:15 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm feeling vulnerable tonight. I wasn't able to validate my personality with a BuzzFeed quiz today.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If attacked by a bear you should play dead. If that doesn't work play "Total Eclipse Of The Heart". Bears love that song.
←Rate | 09-22-2014 05:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  




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