Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Me and BIG BIRD, going down to Sesame Street to see if we can buy the moderate a lie detector.

   Today's International Brotherhood of Manhood Tip: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

   If all other countries are fighting the Coronavirus, while Trump is fighting the China Virus. Is he really lying when he says he doing the best?

   200 degrees (that's why they call him Mr. Fahrenheit [he's traveling at the speed of light]).

   Why is Martha’s Vineyard so upset about becoming enriched by diversity?

   Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho! It's off to sleep I go. I'll crawl in bed and rest my head. Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho!

   some babies are born premature but I was born very mature I just came out and I was like so what

   I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out.

   If your afraid to leave your teenage daughter home with your boyfriend then you may want to rethink ur relationship..

   I thought Super Bowl LI was a Pho Soup special at a Vietnamese restaurant.

   The percent of pre-marital sex within the animal world is rampant.

   I'm so old I forgot it was my birthday until I got the facebook reminder.

   yeah, a dab will do. or what ever fred flinstone said

   they say you swallow 7 spiders a year in your sleep but have you considered not sleeping under a pile of leaves in your back yard

   Don't Yuck someone else's Yum !

   Marriage tip #1 & #2: Sleeping on the couch with the dog isn't all that bad. It kind of reminds you of camping out.

   Love becomes weak if it is not strengthened by truth. Truth becomes hard if it is not softened by love.

   This November I'm voting for the candidate who will bring back the original Four Loko recipe that killed those college kids.

   "That's one small step for man ... One Giant leap for mankind" .... Melania Trump

   If you want to recruit people to do whatever you tell them, get the ones eating fast food seafood.