Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Someone talking on his Smart phone while driving his Smart car got into an accident with a truck.....this was very oxymoronic .

   If you love something, let it go... down on you.

   Why can't we really post whats on our mind , because we'll be thought of as weird weak - I allmost didn't post this

   Ohio has the won the BadA$$ state title of the year

   An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.jj

   Not everything with a coin slot is a vending machine.. I mean, look at her.

   Apparently Facebook is now Rated...NC-17?!

   as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chair!!!

   looks like I'm having pie all day....Thanks to 3-14 or 3.14

   Things we are thankful for: #1: friends and family #2: caller I.D so we can avoid our friends and family.

   hunting out dwarfs to dress up as leprechauns..

   I dont need anger managment classes you need STFU classes ;)

   ure. Well, DUH!! They need to put the Coke in first, THEN the Mentos.

   whos your step daddy once removed by your second cousin?!

   Do you need a silencer if you're going to shoot a mime?

   "Follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me, but don't lose your grip." - Snoop Dogg prophesying the coming of Twitter in 1993.

   unwritten rule of the day...avoid eye contact, while eating a banana

   Poke Hot biatches on Facebook ...cause my gf is cool with that

   a real woman rotates tha batteries in her remote wit tha batteries in her vibrator

   I just snatched your little ray of freaking sunshine and flushed it down the toilet. How ya feeling now?