Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "In the eyes of the Ranger, the unsuspected stranger. You'd better know the truth of wrong from right."

   there is so many fun things to do at home that alot of people don't really think about doing but would if they were told about it.. Sitting in Hot tub and playing wii at the same time is one of them."

   You know you spend too much time on facebook when you start refering to people by their first, maiden, and last name!

   I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.

   We need less work days & more snack days....

   ... Julianne Hough thought bf Ryan Seacrest was gay! I was so looking forward to the day when he said, “Seacrest Out…Of The Closet!”

   I decided the perfect gift for one of my friends a Chia pet!! lol..Why is it that Chia pets come on every commercial this time of yr but the other 11 months there never advertized on TV? Do they hibernate for 11months outta the yr or something?!?!?! Cha-c

   Unemployment rate falls to 9.4% and the U.S. economy added 103,000 jobs in December. This means 102,993 can now spend more time on Twitter!

   making beans and homemade biscuits. . . Bet my dogs try to sleep in a different room tonight. . .

   <Rages against the vending machine

   Since you're asking....I want a mistletoe belt buckle for Christmas.

   If you want to say the truth and you can't, DRINK and SAY IT ALL

   In reality I'm at work. In my mind I'm in a hammock with Mary Ann and Ginger.

   Technically, shoplifting from the Apple store only counts as scrumping."

   was out side working and this clear salty liquid started coming out of my skin every where... I may need a Doctor... I think I may be melting..

   was looking through my wallet and found the condom I had in there has a hole poked in it...touche gas station attendant

   Why is everything that goes by water “car”go and everything by land is “ship”ment!

   I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like P. Diddy but it wore of by the morning,

   Setting a trap for the tooth fairy. chalk, string, duct tape and a little dynamite. theif should of gave me more than $1 for my tooth.....she's toast.

   : now with 25% more vitamin C