Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it really fair to say that Joan Rivers died at 81? Most of her wasn't even old enough to drink.

   Some of you women need to stay out of my dreams, oh sorry.. I meant fantasies. . .

   Sorry, when you said you liked rough sex I thought you meant rough as in "not good"

   always happy, and wondering how they will find pppropriate picture to use on his obituary

   i undressed him with my eyes

   Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls

   they guy from Sister Wives just married his 4th wife. WTH is this guy thinking?!?!?

   doesn't think that even Ferris Bueller could get him out of work tomorrow.. :-(

   small achievable dreams are better than impossible big illusions

   Okay, this Thousands of Falling Dead Bird and 2 million Dying Fish thing isn't funny anymore Steven Spielberg!!!

   Dr Steven hawking has been quoted as say that believes totally in the big bang theory and he thinks everybody should. I was shocked, I mean sure the show is alright, but personally I don't think Kaley Cuoco is really that good a actress.

   My hooptie rollin', tailpipe draggin' Heat don't work an' my girl keeps naggin'

   "Dear Life ...Patience is a virtue of a few and I have been ur sincere student for quite sometime now so plz give up on the idea of me giving up....Destiny awaits me......"

   The difference between the local school and local prison?The Address and The tolerance of phone calls

   Jack's complete lack of surprise.

   You may be on Team Edward, however, I am on team Woden Stake, no hold still while I drive this through your heart

   enjoying the peace and quiet... the voices in my head aren't speaking to me at the moment!

   It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...don't get caught wearing 'milk-bone' underwear!

   I don't mind running into debt. It's running into my creditors that's embarrassing.

   ok...who watches Jeremy Kyle to make themselves feel better about thier own screwed up life?