Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   there vodka in your pillow fort? Then no, I won't be attending

   right behind you. And you know who you are....

   It takes Canadian strippers 2 songs to get naked, because winter boots, parka, toque, scarf, mittens, long underwear, thermal undershirt....

   I really only realize what I'm missing by not having a relationship when I have to make my own sandwiches.

   My friend from Nakuru just called me & told me he's in hospital. Apparently he fell off a Yamaha. Why they ride keyboards there is beyond me.

   mom, dad. I like my women how I like my coffee "you dont like coffee son" dad i- "why dont you like coffee?" dad youre making this difficult

   quietly confident about his latest 'get rich quick' scheme

   Signs that you have no life: when you have nothing better to do than complain.

   We should get 600 rolls of toilet paper, and tp Trevor Hoffmans house...

   They call us the Febreze Brothers because we are so fresh!!

   People in jail cells shouldn't worry about having a facebook , because they're talking to walls as much as we are!

   is wondering on which day God created Justin Bieber... couldn't he have rested on that day too?

   every woman's pet and every man's regret.

   Just Got Dumped Because Her Boyfirend Said He Couldnt Put Up With Her Filthy Habbits, I nearly choked on my toe nail

   A sack of corn nuts and a good Vogue magazine. And I m just fine

   supports the whole Movember concept but thinks it should be changed to Manuary

   Was just informed that Turkeys cant fly. Thats messed up! All those times hunting and I was looking up!!

   Just brought his pet rock to the vet.

   Buy condoms or play with yourself ! World Aids Day 2010

   Darnit, my kufi doesn't match my dashiki. What on earth will I wear for Kwanzaa??