Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall

   I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that, cuz I'm modest.

   Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?

   Would Like To Know Where He Can Purchase A GPS For His Life Journey, I Made A Wrong Turn And Can't Get Back On The Damn Highway!

   Pamela Anderson looked so confused on Dancing With The Stars. I don't beleive she has ever danced without a pole before.

   Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs, never believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs.

   managed healthcare by an obsese surgeon general, passed by a Congress that has not read it, signed by a President that smokes, administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay taxes and financed by a country that is broke? What could go wrong?

   I asked my 7 year old daughter if you could be anyone out of a story book who would you be and she said snow white. when I asked her why she said mommy what girl wouldn't want to kiss 7 tiny lil men good night

   put a dyslexic joke on FB. Unfortunately, I have some dyslexic friends. I never heard the den of it from them!

   The perfect work excuse: "Hello? Boss? Yes, I'm sorry, I will not be coming to work today. I'm having vision problems. I can't see myself coming to work today!"

   Why dont you slip into something more comfortable... Like a coma!

   Ryan Seacrests comment after kissing Ellen on the lips: "Taste like fish"

   Be rude to a bully and he'll beat you up, be rude to a geek and your computer will never forgive you.

   "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

   Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue.

   COME TO THE DORK SIDE...We Have Computers And High-Speed Internet With A Pentium 4 Processor ^_^

   Cool people are just idiots wearing pricy clothes

   rejects your reality and substitute my own.

   Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.

   How do I set a laser printer to stun?