Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ezekiel 25:17 "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his

   Remembers a conversation with my X – she asked, “John what would our Brangelena name be as a couple” - I said, “Junt”

   -- I saw a kid earlier with a hairy face and horrible beady eyes.......Saying that, I suppose it's normal for a goat...

   saw the HILLYBILLY that won the lottery bought a new car - and transfered his bumper sticker "PROUD FATHER of my NEPHEW"

   I'm not saying I don't get my fair share of fiber...but it's like trying to push a tennis ball down a Velcro lined tube.

   a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face

   wondering who put a quarter in the hillbilly...shut up already.

   Kan yu knot spel?

   reckons alcohol contains female hormones, think about it after drinking 1) Mens speak unnecessarily 2)become very over emotionall 3)drive badly 4)stop thinking 5)FIGHT FOR NOTHING ;

   a little less conversation, a little more action please!!

   i am not a squirrel but I do play with my nuts

   people who take really good care of their farmville probably have the ugliest room

   I fell out of my chair. This might take a while!

   When I was 13, I had my first love, ASDFGHJKQWERTYUIOPZXCVBNM above!

   learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch

   When you lie to everyone else. You're only lying to yourself.

   If you read my mind you'll see I'm CRAZY FOR YOU ....

   if there was any truth in advertising the new KFC Double Down would be called the Double Bypass

   tried to join a Tourette's support group but they told me to piss off.

   If this soo called God dwells inside of us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.