Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They call me brown sugar because I'm so sweet!

   playing COD MW2 to give my brain cells something fun to do in case they're no longer around on Saturday morning after Friday nights events.

   Life Aint Always What It Seems To Be .. you Have Ur Ups N Downs Either Happily Or Sad But At The End Of The Day you Gotta Jus Forget Bout All That N Hope you Wake Up To Live The Next Day

   You call it "too lazy to start something", I call it "patience"...

   bit another finger trying to eat way too many french fries at once

   The political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "my disabled son". Apparently the correct term is "daughter"!?!?

   True Fact: Economic analysts find that the unemployment rate remains at a standstill due to Ryan Seacrest's many job acquisitions within the past several years

   Needs a weekend for my weekend

   Opportunity knocked, but by the time I took off the chain, pushed back the bolt, unhooked two locks and shut off the alarm, it was too late..

   this may sound crazy but I got head on my mind ;)

   They call us the Febreze Brothers because we are so fresh!!

   Here is to another nite I'm not going to remember..

   ...just heard that Britney told E! that Paris doesn't have a problem with drugs. isn't that like asking Chester Cheetah if the Cookie Monster has a problem with carbs...

   ahhh! The life of an overworked Zombie

   One of life's purest joys is discovering that something has pockets.

   Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.

   It's My late night and I Forgot to bring my lunch and dinner to work with me. My "things I would do for a Klondike bar" list, is rapidly starting to grow!

   The most difficult foreign language to learn is 'Ozzy Osbourne'. I think they make a Rosetta Stone version for that.

   ...Singer Morrisey says Chinese are a “subspecies.” Sorry I'd write more but there's a subspecies at my door with my dinner

   Some people like to "cuddle," some prefer to "spoon," I rather "spork" ..... think about it, it will come to you.