Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

   Twilight: The story of a young girls struggle between necrophilia and beastiality.

   Cancel my subscription....I am done with your issues!

   Those who say you only fall in love once must not have a FB, cause I see ALOT of PPL falling in love like every other week with a new person!! .. and if this offends you, maybe you need to take a look at your situation.

   Facebook the number one rumor starter

   it wrong to laugh at the flaming gay guys getting attacked by bees? What? It's funny!

   I joined the Tourettes society today. It only took a minute to be sworn in.

   Want to program my GPS to say "Right turn Clyde" whenever the right turn now arrow appears.

   by now, even Ed Hardy thinks that shirt makes you look like a douche.

   someone is having a keg of the Mondays

   Kindness is just love with its workboots on.

   Of this I am certain: This war on terrorism which has been longer than any other modern war thus far, will turn into a war of religion, Christianity vs Islam because of Ignorants and Fundamentalists on either side.

   Steve Irwin should have used sunscreen.... it protects from harmful rays

   I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, "Sorry, what was your name again?"

   Drive careful studies show that 89% of all people are caused by accidents

   funniest joke ever... 2 women sitting on a bench minding their own business saying nothing

   Just saw this group on facebook: "Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... Ever noticed how all womens problems begin with men?" No. All womens problems begin with opening their mouths and saying stupid things like that.

   Apparently saying you're gay with excitement about going to the Texas Rodeo is a poor choice of words

   Fellas, don't assume she wants to be in a relationship ... "Ladies is pimps too"

   I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.