Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oops....Apparently throwing fireworks at people in McDonald's parking lot & yelling Happy Cinco De Mayo is frowned upon : (

   a mariachi band, is making fajitas, and organizing chihuahua races in the backyard to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. You know you want to be here...

   For those who will celebrate Cinco de Mayo with "authentic" 36% beef tacos, we pray to the Lord.

   Happy Cinco de drinko, Viva la tequila!!

   So, just wondering...Is the Navy seal who shot Bin Laden going to get the 25 million bounty he so rightly deserves???? HE SHOULD!!!!

   When is cinco de mayo?

   45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!

   + + + R.I.P Claude Choules.....the world's LAST surviving veteran of WWI, who died peacefully at his hostel home in Salter Point, Western Australia, at the mighty age of 110. I salute you, Sir. May you have the long, dignified sleep you deserve. + + +

   I judge women by how comfortable their shoes are.

   We can learn at least one thing from all those villains from those superhero movies. They never run from a fight, even if they knew they had no chance of winning!

   how do you scare a bee ? BOO-BEE!

   Navy seals now it's time 2 go after the one responsible for raising gas prices !!!

   Everything is so digital these days, my kids can't even read a clock with hands.

   TGIF? TG4DVR! I just watched 90 minutes of Idol in 17 minutes and 30 seconds.

   World Population Rank: 1.China 2.India 3.Facebook 4.USA 5.MySpace 6.Indonesia 7.Brazil 8.Twitter

   This just in... Apple has just hired LeBron James to fix the iPhone signal problem!

   When I'm bored, nobody texts me, but when I'm busy, my phone blows up.

   "Do you have a cell phone?" You might as well be asking me if I have a pulse.

   Dear Wikileaks...where is the fkn video already...Sincerely, USA

   Anyone have a truck I can borrow? I need to drag some ATMs about a mile or so