Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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If you want to know whether you are ready to marry the one you are with, first ask yourself these two important questions. (1) Is this the best I can do? (2) Is this as good as it will ever get? If your answer to both questions is positive, then go ahead 
I admit that condoms protect me from STDs, AIDS and Herpes but sometimes I feel they take their job way too seriously and too far by also protecting me from maximum pleasure!
"I'm David Beckham, and Harper 7 was my idea"
God knows we aren't strong all the time. That's when he wants us to have faith & take his hand as he leads us out of the dark....-Amen!
That automatic "via" message changed this week..... Just my way of quietly telling Apple to f*ck off!
They say Hard times don't last forever...So someone might wanna tell Hard times that :/
Face down, ass up, that's the way babies often sleep. Adorable!
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one
Solution to world hunger: food. Boom, done, next problem.
Remember when using “protection” meant wearing your helmet?
Broccoli: “I look like a tree.” Walnut: “I look like a brain.” Mushroom: “I look like an umbrella.” Banana: “Dude?! Change the topic!”
As a guy I think you can learn so much by listening to two women talk to each other..Unless they are talking about periods then you just need to excuse yourself...Cuz some mysteries should remain unsolved...
if someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my ass?
1 MLB Baseball bat = $175.00, 52 HR Balls = $885.30, Winning the MLB HR Derby with your dad pitching = PRICELESS!
I am enjoying a threesome - Me, My Couch & My TV
Best Catch At The Home Run Derby Of All Time! Dude jumps from a ledge that's a few feet above a pool that's in right field, catches the ball, and lands in the pool! WINNING!
when I die.... my older posts will keep you entertained forever.
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" - Dr. Seuss
■Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
I wonder if Facebook farmers have sex with their Farmville sheep, and 'like' it. 