Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it weird after having a McRib I'm craving watermelon and Red Kool-Aid!?!

   Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."

   If and when you decide to speak super nonsensical philosophy, Make sure you get the grammar right.

   A King without a Queen is still a King.

   If money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it in churches?

   I just discovered that if you slap the word "phobia" next to any other word, you can be afraid of pretty much anything.

   My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.

   There's a fine line between entertaining and irritating.

   remember in grade school when we used our finger to spray away the cooties from a chair?

   Pat's Wednesday entertanment..... Giving several extra flushes when I hear someone in the stall on their cell phone.........

   If you can't live without me, Why aren't you dead yet?

   If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one. Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

   Thank you hot syrupy flavor, every morning I wake to savor, I drink you with one eye sleepy that fact I can rhyme this early is kinda creepy

   Justin Bieber fathering a love child is hard to believe. Justin Bieber having a love child, now that I can believe.

   Some Leaders say: "Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions." God says: "Bring me your problems, I AM your solution!"

   Judge William Adams I hope you go to Fedral Pound you in the Butt Prison

   "Nonexistent" is my new favorite word. It describes so many things about my life!

   Forgive me Twitter, for I have sinned. It has been 6 hours since my last tweet, and in that time I had thoughts I didn't share.

   If it's consistency you're shooting for, it's pretty simple to disappoint all of the people all of the time.

   There's a good chance that any empty can you see rolling along the sidewalk is just Patrick Swayze's ghost learning how to move objects.