Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We are at DefCon 2. Snow has been forecasted in the area. A whole 1-3 inches. Yes, there is panic.

   If a girl stabs you with a knife on the first date… How many days should you wait to ask her out again???

   Condoms DO NOT guarentee safe sex anymore... A FB friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's Husband...

   happy palentines day, for those of you with the cant we just be friends relationships

   wow...another recipe...thank god I'm on facebook or id never realize theres 721 things I can make with a turnip

   thanks facebook. now I can get a pic of candy instead of somethin I can actually f#kin eat!

   save your dinner pics for match . com not facebook, maybe you can score a fat date...loser

   WIl you be my Valentine for an hour or so?

   “stalker” is such a harsh word.. I prefer “valentine”

   I want a reinvented baby time machine...where can I buy one?

   hey, lets take a picture of our f#kin dinner and put it on facebook so the whole world can not give a sh!t

   pics of food?? really.. ??? facebook or menubook

   If you buy clothes that everyone is buying, your trying way to hard to fit in and be cool.. Buy stuff that you think is cool, if you follow trends your a f*****g poser!

   Louis Vuitton's selling $68 condoms? Fine by me. Anyone idiotic enough to spend that much money on a condom probably shouldn't breed.

   Dear ex, you remind me of my dirty laundry because I didn't like doing you.

   When people with lisps say "Bithneth"......you KNOW they mean business.

   Breaking news: Gary Glitter has applied for the England manager's job after hearing that two of the players are Young and Bent.....

   Valentine's Day: Dinner for two - $80, Dessert - $20, Flowers - $50, Gold Necklace - $250, Bottle of French Champagne - $100, Godiva Strawberry Chocolates - $60… Look on his face after she says - “I'm on a period…” PRICELESS!!!

   "never on schedule, but always on time." via Retro Status Generator

   "I`M BATMAN" -Batman