Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "So whose the Doctor who overdose Whitney Houston and how many years he getting?", says Dr Conrad.......

   Valentine Eve: worst time of the year.....constantly remind how single you are or stuck with this looser cupid picked out for you.

   Whitney Houston died just hours after being asked be a judge on the next season of the X Factor. Personally I think she made the right decision.

   69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

   I hope the new Superman movie is just two hours of Clark Kent frantically searching for a phone booth.

   It's quite ironic. Whitney used to do commercials for Pepsi, then spend all the money she made on Coke.

   “How about a holiday all about awkwardness and failed expectations?” – pitch for Valentines Day

   If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

   I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that yesterday when I was sitting in the fort I built.

   If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I'd quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes

   The only "B" word you should call a girl is beautiful. B!tches love being called beautiful.

   I don't always feel like I'm at the top of the gene pool, but when I do, I'm at Walmart.

   I wish all gingers would just dye.

   Amputees may take risks, but they never go out on a limb.

   I didn't think my hangover was that bad until I spent 10 minutes logging into my nephew's Etch-a-sketch

   Really tired of homeless people tweeting photos of the garbage they're about to eat.

   The most impressive thing about Beyonce and Jay-Z as parents, is how dedicated they are to giving Blue Ivy® a normal life.

   so its valentines day.. does that mean I am suppose to have a heart on?

   Just seen on CNN that Godzilla throwed up all over the philippines

   Adele swept at the Grammys. Not to be confused with Vanilla Ice, who swept after the Grammys because that's his job at the Staples Center.