Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   me: [lists something on fb marketplace for $400 that’s worth $1,000 new.] person: take $6??

   What happens in the microwave, stays in the microwave.

   Slow down Biden, you don't have the ruin the country your first week in office

   “once COVID is over” is starting to sound a lot like “once my kids clean their rooms.”

   I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

   The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence. Is this true? I have my doubts.

   I should have been a geologist. Everyday, I manage to hit a new rock bottom.

   The main difference between a Nudist and a Streaker is the type of blur your local TV News channel uses of the incident.

   Ever pick a booger so big that you get it out and suddenly it’s like you’re on top of a mountain, inhaling the world’s largest and most refreshing breath of air that ever was breathed?

   Dear Advertisers – white heterosexuals still use fabric softener, buy insurance and walk their dogs.

   The Biden crowd has Helen Keller Syndrome. Facts fall on deaf ears, dumb reasoning and blind eyes.

   The Biden crowd has Helen Keller Syndrome. Facts fall on dear ears, blind eyes, and dumb reasoning.

   Truth does not mind being questioned. A lie does not like being challenged

   I precisely had to appreciate you once again. I am not sure what I could possibly have gone through in the absence of those tricks shared by you on such question. It has been a real troublesome matter for me, but looking at a new well-written strategy you

   Whoever said "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today" knew how to log out of facebook.

   Whoever said "Rome wasn't built in a day" needed to log out of Facebook.

   if "octo" means 8, why is October the 10th month?

   Why don't food companies put beets in boxes instead of cans? ...then the employees can say they're "professional beet boxers"

   Amazing how much technology has advanced with new ways for people to communicate with each other 50 years ago they used to call talking.

   Dear AT&T, I'm not interested but appreciate you wanting to save me money. And if you'd like to save money stop mailing me letters!