Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you don’t want my help disciplining your little brats then I don’t want more of my tax dollars used to help educate them.

   What makes you so special when you're convinced that Bill Gates installed a tracking chip in you and is monitoring you 24/7?

   The first time I ever removed my clothes in front of a woman, she smiled and said it reminded her of an old song. "I asked, "Let It All Hang Out?" She said, "No. The Itsy Bitsy Spider."

   Ever have one of those days where you pull a leaf off a tree branch and the whole tree falls on you , that's me today

   You’d think people would be more understanding it’s my first day as a tattoo artist.

   Facebook was removed for violating Facebook community standards.

   that's pathetic: that the iphone 13 is identical to it's previous models but only give us a better battery life. Sad part is people fall for apple laziness

   Hopefully, if there's any justice in the world, Zuckerberg will be seeing some jail time. What goes around, comes around, eh Zuck?

   Because of Facebook, I paid my internet bill early.

   The wall should have been built before the pilgrims came to this land.

   Facebook stopped working so some of y’all can get on Indeed.

   This is what happens when you order a president through the mail.

   Today on the History Channel: The world went crazy because...social media went missing for a few hours and they ended up getting work done...watch the devastating 5 part series saga

   Looks like facebook put itself in facebook jail

   Facebook went down on millions of users and all I can say is, You Whore!

   You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game? That's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.

   Sorry I slapped you, didn't seem like you would stop talking so I panicked.

   Not sure how people will react when they find out I'm actually a robot.

   In China, forklifts are called chop-stick lifts.

   Sold my homing pigeon 142 times last year on eBay.