Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Once you graduate college, pigtails become shorthand for "daddy issues."

   If you call my house and fail to leave a message, you deserve to be screened.

   Any man can admire your frame but a real man will admire the masterpiece within the frame.

   If you live in Texas and gained weight this summer, shame on you!

   bored..going to start deleting people who dont reply within minutes of my texts

   You may think there is a lot wrong with you, but there is also a lot right with you

   Be the one to stand out in the crowd

   If you will lie about the little things, before long you'll lie about bigger things

   I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying. He said, "If the current administration is in office much longer, canned goods, water and ammunition are your best bet."

   waering "faux fur" is like eating tofu steak

   The IDEAL guy does not smoke,,does not drink,,does not flirt with other girls,,does not lie,,does not cheat,,...and finally does "NOT EXIST".

   Guys, You Know It Must Of Been One Hell Of A Night When You Can't Pee Straight... Err, I Mean See Straight.

   Warning.. This Status is Rated TV MA LSV!

   Go to your profile, look to the right. Now annoy those 8 friends by tagging them in a stupid post about the zombie apoclyspe, or bank robbery, and let them know you have no life.

   If I had chicken, carrots, and cabbage to add to my ramen noodles to make chicken noodle soup, I wouldn't be eating Ramen Noodles in the first place.

   Now these are just plain stupid. Can someone PLEASE just create one with Natural humor? Not just "forced/Trying too hard" Humor!

   History repeats itself oppurtunities dont!

   thinks as a male, I will always feel judged when buying hand lotion….

   If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I think it's necessary to put you there

   Here at Kotex Tampons were not claiming to be number one, were certainly not number two,. But when it come"s to Tampons were right up in there...