Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The slogan "America runs on Dunkin'" pretty much sums up where we are as a country.

   I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work..

   I dont think of myself as a dumb person. I think of myself as a smart blonde.

   There are only 2 types of honest people in this world, small children & drunk people

   i thought it was going to take us a couple of days to take down libya! what happened?

   Someone questioned: "Y do we need a lover when there are so many around to love us?" A wise man answered: "As air is everywhere but we still need a fan to feel it!" :)

   Just killed a spider in kitchen and I'm leaving it there dead on the floor , just so all the rest can see what will happen to them .

   instead of that daylight savings crap why dont we just move the clock ahead an hour every friday at noon so we get outta work early , then on sunday move the clock back an hour at like 3AM so we can sleep that extra hour .

   I wonder if Rapper M-Bone is teaching Jesus how to Dougie!!

   running for the phone charger like it's the end of the world

   Not looking forward to the end of the world sat..should be on a monday..

   Roses are red, violets are blue... I have a gun so get in the van.

   I blame Survivor for my inability to put out a tiki torch without saying, "the tribe has spoken."

   "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

   A stranger stabs you in the front. A boyfriend stabs you in the heart. An enemy stabs you in the back but real friends don't carry knives.

   I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

   It's sad to see that two close people don't recognize each other anymore. Not because they grew up but because they grew apart.

   Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

   That unnecessary music they play in scary movies that is scarier than the actual movie

   When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to. When a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two