Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?

   "According to the latest poll, 80 percent of the people polled are sick and tired of hearing about the latest polls."

   Would you want to trust your fate to 12 people who were too dumb to get out of Jury Duty?

   Someday they will discover the center of the universe and a lot of people are going to be pissed to find out it isn't them.

   My wife and I are doing the same thing for Valentine's Day that we do every year: Laughing at all the people who spend too much money!

   I hate when people answer an "or" question with just a yes or no: "Did you order the pizza or do I have to do it?"... "Yup"

   Some people should "dance like no one's looking" where I can't see them.

   When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus

   My friend was going to let me borrow her Escalade but I didn't want people to think I was on welfare.

   Just putting it out there, most Americans, myself included, don't like Our governments involvement in other countries either. Don't hate the American people, it's our governments doing, not ours.

   I get the feeling that there are more people out there that have put more time into supporting gay marriage this past week than they have in supporting there own in the past year.

   Stay warm people. It's supposed to be "R. KELLY" cold out there this weekend. And by that I mean "IN THE TEENS."

   I do not have a drinking problem... people without arms have a drinking problem.

   Thou Shalt Not Contact People From Your Distant Past While Intoxicated

   Everyone talking about Pelosi ripping up Trump's speech, but we've all done questionable things when we were that drunk...

   It must be awkward when GPS navigation tells gay people to go straight.

   if guns kill people, then spoons make people overweight...

   They need to make an app that shows you what your name is saved as in other people's phone.

   If it were the other way around I don't think a cat would take in 60 old people.

   Facebook needs to add a maybe button for friend requests, some people deserve to wait for a decision to be made.