Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Useless people are the worst complainers

   Unlucky people are those who break their nose even when they fall backwards.

   Trump hugs Mitt Romney and tells him "You had me at "I don't care about poor people'."

   What do people with spinning flashing inflatable Christmas lawn ornaments think is tacky?

   People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"

   needs to rent a Toyota for a few days, so he has a good excuse of why he's been running over people he doesn't like....damn sticky accelerator.

   please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone, who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is no known cure for those who deserve a punch in the face,

   Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a meteorologist. Now, I've got 3 weather apps on my phone. Living the dream people.

   It's funny how people that seems to know everything are always the unhappiest.

   I was drunk when I had my picture taken for my drivers license. That way, when the police pulls me over, I don't have to worry.

   I love Facebook, it makes me feel kinda normal after reading about all of YOUR problems. Thanks people, and thank you Facebook...

   People say the hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else. Around here the hardest thing to do is replace the empty toilet paper roll and put your dishes in the dishwasher.

   I always wonder when somebody post "gym time" on their wall and people actually like it... does this mean people know you are fat and they "like" that you're finally doing something about it?

   Have you ever done something so stupid that you blamed it on being drunk when you were totally sober just so you looked like less of a dumb ass.

   I like to spend my Monday mornings avoiding people who might ask about my weekend.

   If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, poking each other, searching for their friends, thumbs-upping and commenting at everything they see and tagging one another.

   I sing in the shower. I think I sound pretty good. The other people in the gym don't agree

   We're probably missing out on a lot of good candy by stereotyping creepy people who have white vans with tinted windows who give free candy.

   Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

   Dear Dude, who's slowly walking towards me at the park bench, dragging his one leg and can't keep his balance. Please be drunk and not a zombie.