Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.

   Sick of people worrying about the Criminal more than the Victim. I support the death penalty… and who cares how long it takes you to die during an execution? Di d you care when you killed those people?

   I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.

   The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people that there's an empty parking space when it's actually occupied by small cars.

   Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.

   You know what I like about people? Their dogs.

   It only takes me ONE beer to get drunk: Not sure if it's the 8th or 9th one tho.

   In the past, people got fired putting that they hate their job on facebook. well I HATE MY JOB! I HATE MY JOB! --hope this works for me.

   Why do the people in front of me at the ATM always seems to be having some sort of major financial crisis?

   ME: "I wasn't that drunk!" MY FRIEND: “Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single.”

   To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

   ‎7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don't be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse ;) Happy 4th of July!!

   mixd whiskey with water and got drunk... mixed brandy with water and got drunk... I mixed scotch with water and got drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...

   People still shooting off fireworks better be careful that they don't hit any of the Christmas decorations they never took down.

   If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?

   I called 411 and asked the operator ''I'd like the number for Melissa Fontana in Silver Spring, Md. ''There are multiple listings for Melissa Fontana, Do you have a street name?'' I hesitated ''Well, uh some people call me Snake!''

   Why are the people in herpes commercials happier than I normally am?

   Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green.

   Charlie Sheen has been giving people advice on sobriety. Hmm, that's kind of like Tiger woods or Jessie James giving advice on how to be a good husband.

   Come on. Let's all go and be happy in front of some miserable people