Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I don't regret my past I just regret the time I've wasted with the wrong people!

   The people who wear Bluetooth headsets always look like the people least likely to ever receive phone calls.

   If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on

   I'm tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ's sake people, don't you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!

   The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

   Every day I am forced to add another name to the list of people who piss me off.

   Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs

   Damaged people are dangerous because they know they can survive

   Just once I'd love to attend a funeral where people are being honest and keeping it real about the deceased asking questions like, "Who here is going to pay me the money he owed me?"

   Sometimes people who joke around the most have the least to laugh about.

   Might be time for some therapy when the only thing holding you back from being a drug dealer is the fact that you're "not a people person".

   I just figured out what it is I say to people to get them to tell me their innermost, messed-up thoughts: "Hi."

   During 2011, I was always drunk, crude, rude and flirtatious; just want you know that in 2012 you can expect exactly the same behavior.

   People say, "You have to work on a marriage." I say, “No thank you. I already have a job.”

   Haters can only hate the things they can't have and the people they can't be.

   When I die I don't want to be in a casket at the Funeral Home... I want them to prop me up sitting in the front row... just to mess with people as they walk in.

   Some people are here for laughs. Some for therapy. Some for sex. Me? I'm here to learn the difference between your and you're.

   It isn't that I'm not a people person, it's just that I'm not a stupid people person.

   Don't base your decisions on the advice of people who don't have to deal with the results.

   Fake people are just as bad as fake breasts.....Only reason they exist is to make one feel better about themselves