Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

   I don't trust people who don't have middle names...

   Swine Flu is back? Just when you think something is gone forever it comes back and makes people sick.. Just like Dennis Rodman

   Want people to not mess with you? Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle and walk down the street drinking it.

   Instead of a wallet, I always keep my money in an envelope that says "For the orphans" so people will feel terrible if I'm ever murdered.

   -- If pubs don't serve really drunk people why do Mcdonalds serve really fat people?

   Super Bowl Sunday: when people talk over the game and shut up during commercials. Go USA

   You have a better chance of falling out of an airplane, landing on a trampoline, bouncing back up in the sky and getting hit by the same airplane than you do of winning the lottery, yet people continue to plunk down paycheck after paycheck…

   If I were Stevie Wonder I would say “I’ll believe it when I see it” in response to pretty much anything just to piss people off.

   Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

   If you're able to update your status saying you're drunk, you're clearly not drunk enough. I shouldn't be able to understand you.

   Oops....Apparently throwing fireworks at people in McDonald's parking lot & yelling Happy Cinco De Mayo is frowned upon : (

   Remember when it was rude to be with one person while talking to another on the phone?Now we text with five or six other people at once while pretending to pay attention to the one person we're physically next to

   I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn't be allowed to leave Wal Mart.

   I love when you say something that is just dripping with sarcasm and people still can't figure it out.

   Please leave your ego at the door so other people can wipe their feet on it before entering.

   Insomnia is nature's way of saying you're not done bugging people for the day.

   glad to see that people all over are outraged over the death of Dillon Taylor, the unarmed white male killed by a black police officer. oh wait...

   thinking that some people should get two Facebook accounts...one for each face

   If Facebook ever starts showing how many times a person has visited someone's profile, a lot of people are going to have some explaining to do.