Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People say drinking milk makes you stronger. I drunk 5 glasses of milk and tried to move a wall. It didn't work. Then, I drank 5 glasses of vodka and the wall moved alone!!

   If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a drunk white woman having her picture taken in the club.

   Common sense is like deodorant... The people who need it most never use it.

   I had a can of beer last night and on the side it said “Best Drunk Before August, 2012". I've just e-mailed them thanking them for that prestigious award which, of course I graciously accept....

   NO , people should stop arguing about ps3 and. Xbox 360 , because we all know the BEST system is, was and always will be the Atari 2600.

   The Big Mac doesn’t look anything like the ones in the ads… Same goes with people and Facebook profile pics.

   Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.

   too many people buy stuff they don't want, with money they don't have, to impress people they don't like

   The best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have.

   There should be an eject button in cars for people who touch your perfectly-positioned vents.

   If before every major life decision, people would just say "What would Charlie Sheen do?"...The world would be so much more interesting....

   Imagine how many people are going to commit suicide next month, simply because they believe the world will really end. On a related note: Imagine how much higher the world's average IQ will be come January.

   Just showed up at Walmart in an outfit I bought at Target,,, People think I'm some kind of movie star.

   The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.

   Married people are the best flirters.

   Do you know how many people were gored in Spain during the running of the bulls? Same as last year: Not enough

   My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.

   That thing where hypnotists snap their fingers and people fall asleep? Do they make that for kids?

   While on Facebook, I realized that I don't hate Facebook...I hate people.

   They say you're only as old as you feel, so I must be kinda-drunk-and-a-little-hungry years old.