Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Respect old people: they graduated highschool without google or wikipedia.

   I hate it when people call me as I'm about to use my phone and I accidentally answer it.

   here is how you fix the problem in Egypt, someone get dressed like MOses and go to the president and say "let my people go" .... hey it worked before =)

   e-harmony proves that even people who wear shorts, dress socks and sandals CAN find true love.

   I don't believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.

   “Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..

   The number of people that confuse 'to' and 'too' is two darn high.

   We're banned from the dog park. Well, I guess it's okay to hump, and it's okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out.

   There is a chalk outline being drawn around common sense, and most people cannot even identify the victim

   had many people walk into her life and made it great. She has had many people walk out of her life and made it f*cking fantastic!!!

   I think the only people that can use a disposable razor and NOT cut themselves are people that have been to prison!

   I never thought I would be one of those people who get up early to hit the gym every day. I was right.

   My girlfriend goes out and buys me 12 underwear of the same color. I said, "Why in the hell did you buy all of them in the same color? People will think I never change them." My girlfriend: Which people? :\

   I can't stand people who look down on people who look down on people.

   I wonder how police on bikes arrest people, "Alright, get in the basket."

   Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.

   Allow me to explain marriage to you non-married people: You know how some people have friends with benefits? It's the complete opposite of that.

   Telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows.

   Snow Tip: The other people out shoveling are called "neighbors." They are like Facebook friends who live nearby.

   Paperclip: The staple for people with commitment issues.