Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   This heat makes people do crazy things... Like talk to me.

   People don't hate you because you're beautiful. They hate you because being beautiful made you a stuck up b*tch.

   Coffee , because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

   I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".

   Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells F&CK really loud then people scurry like mad.

   remember the good old days when Nigerians were just scamming people on the internet...

   If you want to see a basket full of uncomfortable people, break up with your girlfriend on a hot air balloon ride

   I love piecing my night together one drunk text at a time.

   "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"

   Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

   Sometimes people don't notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. The they are like, “Why don't you stalk me anymore”

   Sometimes when I see people I havent seen in a while, I think to myself... "Yeah... He's definitely been smoking crack."

   Some people and their damn event invites, they're like the Jehovah Witnesses of Facebook!

   I can tell by the way you give me instructions that you've dealt with a lot of dumb people before me.

   Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2019,,,,, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.

   I wish judging other people burned calories!

   I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Frequently, the green berets would pick on me. People call them Girl Scouts, but whatever...

   Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.

   If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end on a call, we would have no friends.

   I am really getting tired of everytime I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.