Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Doing my spring cleaning, which is very similar to my winter cleaning which kind of resembles my autumn cleaning that's very much like my summer cleaning, but in the spring time.

   lol, did anyone actually read Exodus 21? Take a read and feel dumb.

   Worst case of Trump DS I've ever seen. It is hilarious though.

   If this were real life, and the odd loser who we watch get triggered here due to our posts was sitting across from us at a bar? Crying? We would drag him outside, and beat the sh*t out of him. Then, we'd take his wife home and play "rotisserie".

   I'll take the raving le*ticle poster any day over that GaryKoenig imbecile who posts played out jokes from eons ago. Unoriginal asshole.

   When a woman laughs during an argument, please know that the psycho part of her brain has been activated. Abort mission.

   Keep dreaming, 3rd world left*e. Mad because Trump deported you back to Assholevania?

   Last night I had a horrifying dream that Disco was actually making a comeback. At first I was afraid, I was petrified. PS - tr*mp is a dumbc*nt

   Pee pee poo p000

   Whatever cunt

   Whoever said, "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

   Dman is a Dbag

   They should've never given jig-a-boos and women the right to vote.

   I never thought it’d be cheaper to paint avocados for Easter but here we are.

   Wait, those two douchbags have 19 children from EIGHT different women lol. Shut up with your Jesus bullsh*t 😂

   Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she's not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a great catch!

   Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

   yawA oG aciaemA ekaM AGAM

   I was an atheist until I realized I was a sex god!!!!!!!!!!!

   Too old for SnapChat. Too young for Life Alert.