Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING NEWS RFK admits to being on Jeffrey Epstein's jet at least twice.

   Kendrick Lamar best new country artist

   I'm funny! And you better agree with it or I'll hold my breath for a long time!

   We went and saw "Oppenheimer" Saturday night and when we left we heard a teenager say,"I liked Batman better!"? WTF did he expect?

   Can Chloroform really knock someone out instantly like in the movies? Asking for a friend.

   45 year-old M*G* man looking for 13-year-old M*G* boy for fun and discreet visits behind the local waterpark this summer.

   I eat bananas for the shape, not the taste.

   Can't wait to be schooled today by our indoctrinated, 3rd world, Cro-Magnon expert.

   The result of having 2 mommies is evident here. Canuck boy proves it.

   If you factor in the complimentary drinks, I only lost 3000 dollars at blackjack.

   This week we learned that you can put your troops' lives in danger, compromise your national security, and violate the Espionage Act. And the government will do nothing. But write an editorial for your school newspaper he doesn't like - you disappear.

   If they thought climate change was real, they wouldn't be vandalizing Teslas.

   Somebody ripped a page out of my new 2024 calendar! I'm disMayed!

   Imagine telling Denmark they "don't do enough" for people in Greenland, when BOTH countries don't have means of effectively defending themselves AND YOURS DOES😂

   My wife is leaving me because I tell too many Star Wars puns. Divorce is strong with her.

   New research shows that the average adult forgets three things each day. The most common are Internet passwords, charging cell phones, and . . . something else, I forget.

   Knowledge is knowing that hot peppers are a fruit; wisdom is putting them in a fruit salad.

   As far as the music featured in the halftime show went, how about that guitarist? Oh, yeah, there wasn't one. Hey, how about that drummer and bass player? Damn. Neither of those. Hold on. That keyboard player. Wow! Wha? No keyboar

   I'm gonna bake Valentine's Day cupcakes for a special someone today. That special someone is me.

   Nothing owns Libs harder than day-drunk-texting top secret war plans to reporters. “Cry harder” posts coming in 3 2 1