Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bet aliens ride past earth and lock their doors.

   A Karen just yelled at me in a parking lot that dressing up as a bum for Halloween is offensive to the homeless people. But I was just wearing my regular clothes.

   Marriage tip: If your wife won't let you play games with the boys at night, do something to make her mad. That way she tells you to sleep on the couch. That way you can play games with the boys at night.

   2023: Where pizza crusts are made from chicken, hamburgers are made from plants, and milk is made from nuts.

   Imagine that. A Canuck ragging the US on a US based platform using US technology.

   For vegetarians they have plant based beef, so do they have meat based fruit for meat eaters?

   microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie

   When I was younger, Freddie Krueger was so freakin' scary. But he doesn't even come close to Dunning-Kruger.

   Bats are just Halloween butterflies. That's all.

   The 47th President is the best President of all time.

   Don't quote me on this, but I would not be surprised if Trump and Putin have shared a sexual encounter in the past. Even just a mutual hand job. It's so obvious.

   Just got home from Oklahoma. It was OK.

   Trump Soup: Start with lots of nuts, add some Tweeted mistruths, heat and spin until it is a laughing stock. Discard any creditability before servng.

   Many talented foreigners move to the US because there's far less competition there. Now you know 😆

   Could someone direct me tothe better states message board

   Customer service in 2024: "I don't know the answer and neither does anybody else. I suggest that you call back another time. Now before I let you go, is there anything else I can help you with?"

   Saving daylight? Who am I, Superman?

   Good Day @everyone. our College Orientation & Research Symposium will be re schedule

   Every day is St. Patrick's Day when you're a drunk who likes to pinch people.

   I miss the days when Иiggers knew their place.