Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Hey people who abbreviate "text" to "txt," hly fck, ur lzy!

   Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise

   baffled how I have to wake up early every day and deal with people who are unpleasant and David Carusso still has an acting job.

   Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are among Barbara Walters' "10 most fascinating people of 2013." In a related story, Barbara has been named one of the "10 most easily fascinated people of 2013."

   I came up with a plan to help people with debt, it's called "Don't buy s*it you can't afford it!"

   President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing this, the RadioShack CEO said, "I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want."

   Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?

   The only people who truly know your story, are the ones that helped you write it.

   Funny how you can make friends with people just by liking and commenting on their Facebook posts. Then you show up unannounced in the middle of the night at their house and SUDDENLY IT'S WEIRD.

   Over time you start noticing that some people just aren't worth it anymore.

   It's that time of year again. Scary decorations, terrifying advertising, and random people going door to door. Election season.

   Facebook is like jail you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.

   People piss me off like the ones who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

   Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they're dead.

   I hate how many French people play Call of Duty 4, you usually get 'host ended game' before any bullets have been fired.

   I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than the scratch on my Lamborghini.

   Some people use the power of positive thinking..... others you can be positive that they're not thinking

   "Scent" is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.

   Some people should come with subtitles.

   I'll bet if Andy Capp's wife took that stupid rag off her head and dolled herself up a bit, maybe he wouldnt have to get drunk all the time...