Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Some people live life in the fast lane. I have decided that I live it in oncoming traffic at night with no lights on. Welcome to my world, buckle up.

   some people were dropped as babies. clearly, you were thrown against a wall.

   If you go to google and type " why does my " in the search box. Read some of the suggestions on there and you'll see why I hate people.

   People Dont Leave bad Companies, But they leave Bad Bosses

   Wanted: A fat, drunk Doctor who smokes and feels my lifestyle is acceptable

   BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.

   Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.

   This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik's Cube. If you kids don't know what a Rubik's Cube is, it's what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones.

   LinkedIn is just a dating site for people with a job right?

   I'm in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy

   I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...

   Tomorrow you'll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!

   Cell phones should have the option to change "airplane mode" to "drunk mode" that way your drunk texts never leave your phone.

   When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we've met before." so they feel awkward trying to remember me.

   I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.

   People who hate hand gestures: I salute you.

   Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried with how full of sh!t some people are.

   It's amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there's a pill available for it.

   People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh*t to yourself.

   If cigarettes are required to have graphic warning labels, beer manufacturers should have to warn drinkers of possible sex with ugly people...