Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Some people can ruin how attractive they are by doing this weird thing with their mouth... it's called "talking"

   if I live to be over 100 I'm gonna tell people something crazy of how I've lived to be that old like I ate a pine cone everyday or something like that.

   Facebook's adding hashtags and Instagram's adding videos. Go home you two, you're drunk.

   So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

   Keep smiling. But not to the point where people begin to think you're mentally unbalanced.

   I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.

   Remember that episode on Cosby Show where Vanessa got drunk and was hung over..........I'm thinking Cosby did that

   People who bite icecream scare the hell out of me

   You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need.

   Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   wondering what people used to do or how they lived their lives without the internet....so I asked Google

   You've never been truly drunk until you've had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.

   I don't understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He's better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here.

   Few people know this but Cinco de Mayo is actually about a ship full of mayonnaise that sank off the coast of Mexico.

   There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don't tell people everything you know

   The people who deserve nothing, are handed everything.

   DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for things I may say or do in other people's dreams.

   I'm beginning to realize that some people must actually enjoy being miserable.

   I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist..