Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   wishes he could delete people in real life as fast as he can his facebook friends.

   I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.

   My friend just had a baby, he keep's going on about how he would kill anyone who tried to hurt his child, or he would get run over to save his son, he would even take a bullet for his boy. I said, "Why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?"

   The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

   I avoid "online dating sites" because they match you up with people who share your interests and I don't want to go out with a weirdo.

   Bald people shouldn't wear polo neck jumpers. They just end up looking like a roll-on deodorant

   "Undecided Voters" are the same people who also slow down the line at McDonald's.

   It's getting harder and harder to tell the zombies from the regular people.

   asks: Is it wrong to want to be the designated driver just so you can drop obnoxious drunk a$$holes off at random houses that aren't theirs?

   People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass old ladies and supermodels than argue with motorcycle gangs.

   The world would be a better place if people would just take my citizen arrests a little more seriously

   Love doesn’t walk away, people do.

   My boss asked me today which one of us was the stupid one. I told him everyone knows that you dont hire stupid people.

   It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.

   I wish these people would stop sending me job offers for 5k a month to sit at my computer at home and work... after I get that check from the nigerian lottery i'm not going to need a job! suckers ;)

   Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

   If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.

   "People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it."

   It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That's yours now."

   A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met? Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don't know makes a touchdown.