Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   There are roughly 700,000 people having sex at any given moment. Meanwhile, I'm practicing how to kiss a girl with wild raccoons.

   It is said that 1 in every 3 people cheat in a relationship. I haven't yet figured out if it's my wife or my girlfriend.

   People identify as either Binary or Non-Binary. So even if they identify as Non-Binary, they are still binary.

   A cult doesn't have 77 Million People. That's a revolution. A cult has a few thousand people with blue hair and random pronouns.

   Us Germans are pleading for you Amercians not to fall for Trumps and Elons tricks because we've seen it before and people are still saying we're overreacting. It's a shame. But good luck, because you will all need it.

   Hope you blokes are enjoying the extreamly cold weather. God knows you people deserve it.

   I don't understand why people get in the left lane just to drive the speed limit. That lane is for crime.

   Suddenly, people who can't pay back their student loans are now experts on tariffs and the stock market.

   If we tell people the brain is an app, maybe they’ll start using it.

   Silly sane people...bags are for gas.

   You want this, you want that. People in heII want ice water.

   I do my part to bring people together by putting “Free BBQ” signs in random yards around town.

   Before the Internet, most people thought villages only had one idiot. We sure as heck did not have that right.

   The Day-After-Easter Candy Sale at Walmart is currently looking like a fight-to-the-death battle Royal between the all day Pajama People vs the Sweat Pants crowd.

   You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree, and then realize it was just your air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror

   Thanks to the people that walked into my life and made it better. And thanks to the ones who walked out and made it amazing.

   Remember those days when people used to write diaries and got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when people don't read them.

   Will never understand people who look both ways before entering the traffic circle?

   They say that the machines of the future will be as smart as people. Which people? It kind of matters.

   They say do something today that makes the world a better place….so I’m getting drunk.