Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Why don't people who drive under the speed limit get ticketed like people who drive over the limit? It says "limit"

   I love waving at random people because you know the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the heck you were!

   I think my wife is hallucinating..... She keeps telling me she's seeing other people

   Remember when we woke up in the morning and the economy was stable, we didn’t deport the wrong people and the world respected us? Yeah, I miss those days too.

   People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders

   The only people who don't want the Redkins to go back to being called the Redskins are ghey sissies who don't watch the game in the first place.

   How will people learn from their mistakes without other people to tell them "I told you so"?

   I'm not the best chess player who ever lived, but some people don't even know how to move a pawn. It's pretty straightforward.

   While Dems are trying to figure out which bathroom to use Musk just rescued people in outer space.

   ..... Congratulations Redblacks!!! ...... Wait a minute .... What the heck is a Redblack? ..... Answer: Another Underdog ..... Who just won the Grey Cup!!! ..... OK .... It's the Canadian (People that live north of the US) ..... version of the Superbowl.

   I’ve never considered myself a social butterfly. More like a social wasp. People run away a lot.

   I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

   This is a special status. Only people who are sex deprived can read this status.

   party idea: “DUI or IUD?” you can only invite people who have one or both and you CAN’T divulge which

   I don't know if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

   Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.

   Back to the future was yesterday people hello the 21st not the 22nd retards

   those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope

   Stop trying to please people that already don't like you. Instead embrace the idea of being the most annoying person in their lives.

   People complain about gas prices but pay for gym memberships and don’t even go.