Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If I ever start a band, I'm going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you're listening to.

   People leave, so I keep their voodoo dolls.

   Tip of the Day: Get your Drivers License picture taken when you're drunk, that way when you get pulled over and you're actually drunk, the cop will look at your picture and think you look normal.

   I was in line at Wal-Mart and the customer in front of me had a perfectly trimmed, full, beautiful mustache, so I commented and paid a kind compliment. Then out of nowhere, she grabbed her purse, gave me a dirty look, and stormed off. Some people.....

   Some people must go through an awful lot of soap, having to wash 2 faces and all .

   If you think your job is pointless, remember: There are people in Germany installing turn signals on BMWs.

   If someone tells you you’re cute, ask them to name 3 other people they find cute so that you can react appropriately.

   idk why people get paranoid about getting a chip put in them someday. ...lays & pringles have been putting chips in me for years

   My grandma is 80% Irish. People call her Iris.

   Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.

   Governments easing mask restrictions but bad breath still out there knocking people dead

   You know growing up I could tell who had money and who didn't. People with money had Tupperware people without money had butter containers.. We used butter and cool whip containers

   Trans people need help.

   I used to care what people thought of me until I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.

   Honestly, I think pregnancy test commercials would be a whole lot more authentic if they showed two single people high-fiving when it’s negative

   I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

   So when do we start the old people offerings to the Dow — I believe he's the brother of Zeus and Poseidon — God of the Economy & Bailout Bonuses?

   The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

   It's amazing how one transgender can trigger so much hate and ignorance. Like honestly, how are people like that affecting your lives?

   I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?