Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I think it is so unfair that I have to manage my anger because other people can't manage their stupidity.

   "I'm sick to death of people saying we’ve made 11 albums that sound exactly the same. In fact, we’ve made 12 albums that sound exactly the same.” ~ Angus Young of AC/DC

   Every Liam Neeson movie now is just him talking on the phone then killing people, right?

   the problem with two-faced people is that you never sure which face to slap.

   All these people on my list, and not none of ya talking to me... This is kinda awkward. I feel weird now..

   I never got why people liked sitting homje without pans on so much until I was without a job for a week. Now I'm left wondering why people have jobs.

   This thing of “Sorry babe I was sleeping” must come to an end. People must decide whether they want to sleep, or to be in a relationship.

   With all the crowds of people there's going to be on Memorial Day weekend I'm not traveling, but not because of Coronavirus, I just don't like crowds.

   Until my orange messiah says he doesn't like Putin anymore, me and my people will continue to love him and his actions.

   The reality is that there is NO reasonable alternative to evolution in science. At least not a version of “science” which does not glean its facts from a book written thousands of years ago by primitive desert people.

   “Here, throw this away for me.” ~ People who hand out leaflets.

   Guns don't kill people. Abortionists do.

   Dear Transgender people, Don't you dare tell me I have to accept you for who you are when you couldn't even accept you for who you were.

   People say "love' is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is a lot better.

   Lost my job as a Walmart greeter yesterday. According to company policy, I can tell people, 'Welcome to Walmart', but I'm not allowed to add 'And that's not just the booze talking, either!'

   There are two different kinds of screaming...If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in

   Talking to some people is as frustrating as trying to eat applesauce with chopsticks.

   I’m pitching a show called “Walking Dad” where dads go around biting each other and then the people who get bitten become dads too.

   Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.

   A very big shout out to all those people who wrote the answers in our textbooks, when we were in school.