Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I can't wait until I'm old enough to get my own zombie .......a lot of people at the retirement home have walkers

   why do blind people smile?

   I don't know why people see a stutter as being a negative thing. I love people with stutters. It's like they're giving you a drum roll before they start talking.

   A cop came over and told me that my dog was chasing people on a bike....I told him, "Don't be ridiculous, my dog doesn't doesn't own a bike."

   I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five each other because it’s positive.

   If the people I come in contact with daily could read my mind I'd get punch in the face alot.

   There have been a lot of tasteless jokes about the lost Titan submarine. How could people sink so low?

   Back in the day, we didn’t have google just a drunk uncle.

   If two people love each other nothing is impossible. Except deciding where to eat.

   Don't stab people in the back...Stab em in the front!!!

   these neighbors shooting their guns off, you'd think a lot of people just died in The Hunger Games cause the gun sounds kinda like the cannon sound in the movie

   coyote ugly does not begin to describe what happened to me last night. The people I do for a Klondike Bar

   I’ll climb down out of this tree when people stop referring to common sense as a life hack

   Well, Israel sure lost the last few people in America that still supported that terrorist country

   Don't trust people who speak too fast. Trust me on this.

   So studies now show pot isn't as good for you as people thought. You can drop dead from smoking a Joint. Hell of a way to meet Bob Marley.

   People are insane psychiatric wards are nice really cool jackets that make you hug yourself and they tell you your special.

   just thought of a good prank...if closterphobic friend passes out drunk & about to awaken slip a bag over their head 9with breathing holes) & watch the fun happen when they realize where they are

   dyslexic people are weird. they pray to a dog

   I find it hilarious how adults parrots these childish insults about other people. I guess they hate adulthood and want to be children again.