Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Lesson one: Only trust people who like big butts...They cannot lie!

   You fell sad because you didn't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day? Some people don't have a mom on Mother's Day or a dad on Father's Day so shut up.

   Just been to the gym for the 5th time in a week, and people are saying things like "well done!", "that's so impressive!", and "you can't come in here just to use the vending machine

   Am I allowed to say that fish are dumb or will people say it's some sort of animal hate speech.. I have been struggling with this for months

   I feel like people who end up on Dateline for committing murder don’t watch enough Dateline to plan their crimes accordingly.

   Who lied to you, people who call themselves beautiful?

   people who hate Ed Hardy clothes are the ones who cant afford them

   They should make a Morning After pill for people who eat an entire large pizza the night before.

   List ten jobs. Nine should be jobs you have actually done. One should be a lie. Let's see if people can guess the fib! My list is below: 1. Waitress 2. Bartender 3. Video Store Clerk 4. Payroll Acct 5.Factory Line Worker 6. Auto Parts Manager 7. Chef 8.

   How can you fill up a room with people without putting a single person in it? .......

   I'm a good person. That's why I don't talk to many people. Too good for them.

   The only drunk phone call I wanna make this Tuesday night, is for tacos.

   Gotta admire the people that get in shape for nothing

   People always talked about how fast technology advances. Has anyone ever thought, with this election coming up and all that is going on. We should be advanced enough to flea the planet?

   Drunk Cow Tipping: get drunk and Tipsy with a cow.

   a fun afternoon planned. Will be playing "Duck, duck, goose" with actual ducks and geese followed by few games of Chinese Checkers against actual Chinese people.

   I imagine homeless people aren't the biggest fans of little dogs wearing sweaters.

   Its amazing that we as people get curious and it cost a lot of money we just say "nah... its not worth it" but when the government gets "Curiosity" They spend billions on it.

   right now...there are 3 kinds -- people : 1. who want to kill Kristen 'coz she cheated Rob ,2. who don't know who the HELL she is and my personal favourite.......... 3. who don't give a DAMN if she did......

   It's always cracked me up how straight people just get so amused and excited about fireworks .....