Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   There's a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email.

   What's with these people on facebook who never particpate on your page at all, yet act all weird when you decline attending their $tupid event?

   The only thing I hate more than people who make fun of other people is people who don't laugh when I do it.

   hates it when people say "plan in advance" or "plan ahead". Just say "plan"! Obviously its developed in advance and before, thats what a plan is!

   I think the world would be way cooler if we would have domesticated the bear instead the horse. Oh you pranced around, jumped a stick and ate some hay? Big deal, my bear just ate a hobo, paw'd a bee hive then roared so hard deaf people heard it.

   so your telling me that facebook is gonna start charging money monthly? You remind of the people that told me that about Hotmail.. TEN YEARS AGO!"

   It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.

   I think before we vote, we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what's REALLY on their minds.

   Sometimes I want to ask certain people, "So you looked in the mirror and thought you looked good enough to go outside?"

   A drunk man's reasoning; "What the hell, she's only ugly in the face"

   Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

   Bank robbers give a bad name to people who just want to deposit their check with a mask on, like me.

   Charlie Sheen interview tonight on 20/20...I'm going to get drunk and watch it, it'll make more sense that way.

   Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.

   You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.

   People getting out of prison will probably be on Myspace now saying "Where's everybody at?"

   People are worried about global warming and social security when the real crisis is that we aren't far from eldery drivers knowing how to text.

   I don't get "drunk" during the holidays I get "festive".

   People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.

   Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?