Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   John travolta was Quoted today saying I hope people look back at my life someday and say at least he had many Happy Endings.

   people that say 'i shi t you not' should probably invest in some laxatives.

   people that put empty containers back in the fridge and pantry are the same people that want to a die, a long, slow and painful death.

   Fact: 69% of people will find something dirty in every sentence.

   [Marketing Meeting] "Let's say people get laid when they eat our chips." Nope, too direct... "What about "Lays" Potato chips?" Perfect!.

   A CIVIL war is where people are nice and polite to each other “Excuse me kind sir, would you mind having your head chopped off?”

   Some people are like a surprise package. You never know what you are gonna get with them.

   Stop telling people you got that scar in a bar fight when you know darn well it's from being circumcised.

   It's bad enough that my dog picked one of the most congested streets to take a sh*t, but he had to do it in the middle of the sidewalk while people stared. Psh, puppies.

   People took LSD to make the world weird . . . now people take Prozac to make it normal.

   Getting tired of people who haven't had a drop in 10 years calling themselves alcoholics. If you're living in Iowa, you ain't a sea captain.

   I want to be buried with a Brontosaurus bone, so this way people will think that Dino (Flintstones) buried me...

   Have you ever been so drunk that you think its 1999?

   This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything

   It is good to be regular people, at least no one will know when you have affair.

   People get FAKE, when ish gets REAL.

   At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling

   My wife doesn't have a mean bone in her body. More like dorman with rage bones that surface late at night when I come home drunk and try to get her to have sex with me.

   just read that the Raiders Organization says they will have an open casket for Al Davis....most people won't know the difference anyway

   thinks they should make one of those laser pointer things that instantly detect STD's so you can point it at people when they try to shake your hand or hug you.