Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Be right back, I'm gonna go pet that dog. Me, drunk, about to get butted by a goat. 🐐

   A stranger accidentally touched my arm today and now I have to get drunk to forget about it.

   When girls get mad, they cry to their friends. We go cuss people out on Xbox.

   Also, psychotic people wear red hats while participating in the January 6th insurrection.

   You people really do need a sense of humor... many of your votes are wrong!!!

   Take note... the people who unabashedly support Drumpf can't spell, can't form a coherent sentence and have no idea how to interpret facts and statistics.

   If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.

   When I was a kid, people often said that I was the "little engine that could." Turns out that I'm the "big old caboose that couldn't."

   What did Tonto say when the Lone Ranger got drunk and rambled on and on in one long sentence? “White man speak with Faulknered tongue.”

   ometimes I crash parties in a swimsuit, and tell people I'm a Reverse Lifeguard keeping an eye on the land.

   Traitor Joe: Hmmm,, how can I regain people's trust AND sell groceries at the same time?

   it me or people who moved to a warmer weather have nothin to say on their post expect weather??

   What I do when I'm black out drunk is none of my business.

   I wondered why everytime I would visit my grandma at the retirement home they were having a Hawaiian luau until I learned that flowery clothing was the fashion trend of old people.

   Granny- "I like pushing those rotating doors you get on the way into some places, really fast when there are people in them because it means they have to kind of run to stay standing"

   Becareful, the only reason some people decide to get married is just so they can start blaming someone else for their disaster of self.

   Mediocre people do mediocre things.

   RIP Gene Wilder, everyone loved Willy Wonka, the only movie most people think you ever did....

   Hear me out, a leaf blower, but for people.

   After today there will be two kinds of people in this world: people who saw the eclipse, and people I want to talk to at parties @cbquist