Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Dude, you was that drunk..... When I asked you what happened to the bottle of Tequila you said...."I plead the Cinco de Mayo"

   I`m gonna dress up like Sandy for Halloween, think that costume will blow people away!

   Girl: I wasn't that drunk. Guy: You put your iPhone in the blender trying to make apple juice.

   If only chubby chasers actually chased chubby people... Then we wouldn't have such a problem with obesity.

   Can you people leave me Alone!!! I already talked to Oprah.......

   hey people who pull the finger in pics; what;s wrong? Did the camera lens bully you?

   ..when people write "is ;-)" as their stat message,you tend to think,well,if I was ";-)" would I stop and write a stat update about it? Obviously you're not ";-)" very well.

   Tasers, but for people who listen to Christmas music in October. Or talk before noon.

   Back when I was a kid, there was no internet.....So people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a c&%t

   Don't you hate that when it rains people who has an umbrella keep walking underneath the awnings, and let people who doesn't have one get wet? Ugh! I just want to grab the umbrella and put a hole in it!!

   thinking some people are waste of space, and wonder why you even got them as friends on ur fb??!

   Every year at this time I question who decided this Halloween candy is the "Fun" size. These people must really live a boring existence.

   "I'm sick of beautiful people who don't have to work for their beauty, when I'm over here sweatin my balls off for all this beauty."

   Some people don't always get asked out on a date. But when they do, it's usually on April 1st.

   Every trip to Wal-Mart results in me seeing an equal number of people I THOUGHT were dead and I WISH were dead.

   People who buy real Christmas Trees the day after Thanksgiving need some serious help...And if you have your tree up already...You should probably seek medical attention..

   taking away a Trans-gender bathroom that critical to people?

   -A dad buys a lie detector robot, which slaps people when they lie.. so he decides to test it out a dinner. Dad: "Son, where were you today?" Son: "I was at school." The robot, slaps the boy. Son: "Okay Okay, I did drugs with a friend!" ... Dad: "What! Wh

   Holy crap! With all these famous people getting the skeletons pulled out of their closets, I'm starting to feel like a saint.

   when we see the rainbow in the sky is it because this is the time for gay people to celebrate their queerness