Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Pro tip: Before you tell her that you love her, make sure you're not horny, drunk, lonely, desperate, sad, angry, bored or hungry.

   If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking.

   The best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have.

   advises all the young people, "Do not grow up; it's a trap!!"

   NO, you don't have “haters”. People just don't like you. Get over yourself.

   So I read that Uber is going to start using self-driving cars to drive people around... Which is a great idea.. But I'm just thinking, if a car drives up to my house to take me somewhere with nobody in it.. I'm pretty sure I just got myself a new car...

   Dear Wasted Drunk girls... We get it. This is your song...

   It's funny how Facebook will suspend me for 30 days if I send out friend requests to people they constantly suggest to me, but it's ok for them to bombard the right side of my page with scantily clad women in my area who supposedly want to date me!

   Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......

   I whip my hair back and forth is probably the most depressing song for bald people

   I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.

   I'm always very flattered and humbled when I get an invitation on facebook from someone I don't know, to attend something I never heard of, along with about 12,000 other people.

   I've discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I'm probably going to die alone.

   MLM's…aka "PYRAMID SCHEMES" is just like the LOTTERY. It gives MILLIONS of people hopes & dreams but in reality they just end up losing money while ONLY A FEW hit the jackpot.

   I hate when I'm singing and people join in. B*tch, this aint glee.

   The hardest thing you can hit people with is the truth.

   I'd drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.

   I wish more people were fluent in silence.

   Women are weird. Hundreds of people can tell them they're beautiful but they'll obsess over the one person that doesn't.

   It should be made legal to strangle people to death who ruin Facebook wallposts because they didn't get the sarcasm so post a serious reply.