Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   people with children should be allowed to do things while hiding from their children because children are mini terrorists.

   People who say "I'm beside myself" are often mistaken.... with the notable exception of time travellers and Siamese twins.

   You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about.

   You made trendsetting, innovative and brilliant products that most people cannot afford but all the same RIP Steve Jobs.

   I wonder if people, who actually think they can danceq.. Have ever watched themselves dance in front of the mirror naked... I bet their minds would change in a heartbeat!

   when people say "f°°k this s°°t" is that really a command?

   sending cards to random people today saying "I'm going to f*** you so bad"...They're not going to know if I'm horny of mafia type!

   i ran into friends at the bar last night, but they understood because I was drunk

   I wish there was a kick under table for people who share their embarrassing photos and staff on Internet.

   People make promises all the time. I prefer to just make love.

   If you watch Jaws Backwards it's really about a shark that keeps throwing people up until they finally open up a beach!

   Damned phone... I keep typing that "I need to get laid" and it keeps autocorrecting to "I need to get lard" and now people are sending me cans of Crisco. :(

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample ovee others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   You can trust fat people. We don't do crimes it's too much work. We just want to eat and watch the food network.

   No modern civilization has ever been around that did not include alcohol and religion. Which ironally enough is why a lot of people drink religiously.

   I hate self-serving, self-absorbed people who talk constantly about their own troubles but never ask about yours.

   people who think their state is the only one with crazy weather also think New York is nothing but concrete and buildings...

   I’m not ugly. You’re just not drunk enough.

   For some people its, "Started from the bottom I'm still there"

   I got drunk and put Icy Hot on my balls once. Can't recommend it...