Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I hire the best people! No one can accidentally butt-dial reporters like my people do!

   if money can't buy happiness why are homeless people so sad??

   Why is it that one who smokes marijuana is automatically a pothead, but one who drinks every weekend isn't a drunk?

   I bet people who still wear watches are also the same people who still call radio stations requesting songs.

   Religious people believe because it makes them feel better; but thankfully there's booze for that.

   Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

   I wish I loved anything as much as fat chicks love to tell people that Marilyn Monroe was a size 12.

   If God wanted more people to attend church why doesn't he lower the price of gas?

   ***** if you think there should be a "dude I wasnt that drunk" category

   not responsible for LMAO's that actually cause ur ass to fall off. Or LOL's that cause you being arrested 4 laughing too loud. Or people that are "dying laughing" I am not responsible for... funeral fees. With that being said. Enjoy my wall.

   Thinking that they made the turtoise and the hare book to make fat people feel good about theirselves!

   the 93% of people who will NOT re-post this as my status (all chain-status updates)

   I've lost most of my hearing, but it's okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is "nothing, nevermind."

   wondering; why do people on facebook, when they find a -public- photo album to someone they dont know, feel like they've won a million ???

   Why do fat people wear so much perfume, it hides body odor, not fat.

   Things happen for no reason. This is why people invent gods.

   thinks people who end sentences with prepositions should knock it off.

   doesnt get drunk, he gets awesome

   I like being Next,, You can let somebody go in front of you and still be Next. People know who you are. " Who is that"? ... " Oh him he is Next".

   I had skylights installed at my place last night and I don't get why the people who live upstairs aren't okay with this.